After all, it is a Beautiful Day!

After all, it is a beautiful day…  today is the day for the first treatment and I’m fucking freaking out… I will never get used to this…  needles, (I hate needles) blood samples, EKG’s, scrubs, IV’s, --- the thought of injecting poison (I call magic juice) into my body to make me healthy is mind-blowing – I can taste it in my throat… it feels as if it might chock me—I can feel the coldness of it going into my vein and onto the rest of my body and I try to imagine it going straight to my lungs and eating up all the cancer cells just like when I used to play pac-man many years ago….  All kinds of emotions are going on inside me; fear, anger, sadness, compassion for the others sitting nearby and then I feel empowered and a big urge to embrace life…  how can I possibly bitch about anything else…  I can almost say that compare to this, any other trivial issue is a piece a cake… I just can’t tolerate hearing people bitch about the little things in life --- if everyone reading this can learn one thing from my experience it should be to embrace life full force – for it could chance in a heartbeat ---  our bodies are amazing but life is fragile and we take so much for granted and put emphasis in the wrong things…   when today is over, I’m going back to finding true meaning in life, I just need to get over the hump of this day --- I'm loving stronger, deeper --- and appreciating every single minute--  I’ve found the true meaning of “living”…  and that makes me really, really happy!