The Gloves are on!!!

Tuesday, Sept. 20th

It is 3:00 p.m., I find myself sitting on the examining table waiting for my doctor to walk in, this whole time I’m thinking “I should have taken a f****ing happy pill, I should have taken a f****ing happy pill!!” Part of me wants to put on my clothes and leave and the other part wants to fast-forward my life to the next hour. Finally he walks in and tells me to sit on a chair next to him. He explains to me that the two tiny tumors that they have been monitoring have grown to the size of grapes; one of them is very closed to my lymph node and air passage. The next step would be to do a biopsy of the one of the tumors to see what we are dealing with, the cancer cells have mutated and that’s the reason the oral chemotherapy I am currently taking is not working on these two tumors. The problem with doing the biopsy is that it is very invasive, painful and risky; while I am awake my lung is filled with air, a long needle is inserted in the lung, a sample is taken and then the lung gets deflated, I won’t be able to move, talk nor cough during the procedure. He explained to me that new medications are getting approved often and considering the fact that I am feeling well now and my every day activities are not affected by it, we should wait and at the same time buy ourselves time to allow for more drugs to get approved. He wants to see me in 8 weeks and another scan in 3 months.


I know what I need to do with my body… diet, yoga, meditation etc. etc. and a lot of praying!!!! I just need to get to a place where I can totally agree with my doctor. Do I want to wait or do I want to bite the bullet now?

Life doesn't get easier...  the challenges are big!!

Desert Sunset after the Rain

I love the rain particularly on a hot summer day…   but the magnificent sunset was breathtaking!!  These pictures were taken with my cell phone and frankly, it was so much more beautiful in person.  One of the few great things about leaving in the desert is the “Works of Art” nature gives us!!!

Challenge + Hard Work = Growth

Opportunity for growth presents itself with every challenge!


I LOVE/HATE this phrase because it means there is a lot of work ahead! Can’t remember where I read it but it just stuck in my mind. 8 simple words, yet so difficult to fully comprehend and accept their meaning. As I sit and wait for my next scheduled CT scan appointment (Sept. 16th at 8:45 a.m. -scan; Sept. 20th, Dr.’s appt. to review the results), I need to wrap my mind around the fact that my life might change after the 20th or NOT… So, as analytical as I tend to be, I start looking for all the possible answers to the question “What if?” Anticipation and anxiety sets in…

Finding the opportunity to grow becomes my CHALLENGE…. What I really want to do is hide in a cave for the next 20 days. I struggle to find the beauty, joy and pleasures that I know life has to offer. Nature gives me that…. I love the quiet, tranquility and peace that can only be found in nature that’s also when I feel the closest to God. Back to the bare basics, NATURE gives, NATURE takes away!!!! This becomes a very personal and private battle to stay positive and optimistic. I search deep into my soul for every bit of faith in me. My conversations with God become intense and desperate. I will be spending a lot of time meditating and praying with humility to find internal peace! And when I do find it, once again acceptance will take the place of fear and that will be my GROWTH!

HOPE is “to expect with confidence”