An unforgettable gift that keeps on giving

December 13 and 14, 2008

Sunday morning I had my very first Harley Davidson ride, it was a cool, yet sunny day, perfect for riding, I heard. I absolutely loved it!!!! To say the least, my cheekbones hurt at the end of the ride, from smiling the whole time. As I held on to Ron, riding on the I-10, I had this incredible urge to wave at all the cars (kind of like a little kid riding the bus for the first time); I just wanted everyone to see how excited and happy I was. I always knew it would be fun, however, it was more than I expected… After an incredibly exciting morning, I arrive at home to find the biggest surprise of my life!!!! My sister Blanca and Tiffany met me at the front door and proceeded to escort me to the backyard where a number of people were standing around the pool, at first it did not make any sense, I really did not recognize any of faces, although they were all people I know and love. It took a few seconds for me to realize what was happening. The people standing around the pool in my backyard happened to be my family members and my District “family” members; it still did not make any sense!! After a few seconds I noticed that my backyard looked totally different – beautiful, perfect!!! It felt like a dream, a really amazing dream, one of those dreams that don’t make any sense, but its still a wonderful dream. I wish there was a way I could express what this wonderful surprise did to my soul. I was glowing on the inside (and it wasn’t from radiation). To see all these wonderful people do so much work for me, especially during this very busy time of the year. I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by so many angels who give me so much love unconditionally. This is the BEST Christmas present I have ever received!!!!

Elaine, with the help of my sister, had been planning for weeks to do a major, and I mean major, front and back yard beautification. The amount of work and time it took, not only to plan and organize, but to get so many people involved and keep it a secret!?! It is just an incredible feeling. – I know Elaine worked very hard to get everyone together and coordinate this magnificent plan. There are moments when I find myself down and depress, but then I step out into my backyard and I’m reminded of all the people (angels) that care and support me. Seeing all the beautiful flowers gives me the strength to look up again and continue my battle. What a wonderful gift I continue to receive each and every day, and its only going to get better. I’m so grateful to God for surrounding me with such wonderful angels – what an incredible feeling of being loved!!!!

New - new hair

Yesterday I received my second chemo treatment -- it went very well, blood work is right on target, health-wise I'm right on top of the charts.

it is a long process. It starts at 9 a.m. and it goes until 5 p.m. My sister Blanca drove in from L.A. again to be with me. She is such a great support -- she spoils me when she is here. I do have to say that although I never really had a problem breathing prior to being diagnosed, and I don't really know if this is psychological or the chimo is actually shrinking the tumors, but I feel as if I can breath deeper, better. Whatever the case, I feel really good.

My hair has finally fallen out ( most of it ) it started gradually which I though it could be something I could handle -- but then more and more was falling out until one night while shampooing it -- it all just fell out, just like that, I was so not prepare for that --- I cried for a long time as I tried to vacuum my precious hair off the bathroom floor -- there is just no way of describing that feeling -- it took me long while before I could look at myself in the mirror. Lucille happen to call at them moment, we talk and I felt better -- the next day, Lucille, Tiffany and I went to a wig shop and pick out new hair -- I really like my new wig -- I think it looks pretty natural -- who knows? I can see some possibilities, maybe other styles, other colors and why not other personalities. I think I can have some fun with this!!!

Thank you again to all my angels and pillars -- I could not do this without you -- your positive vibrations, thoughtful actions and prayers empower me to overcome each obstacle. I draw my strength from each of you. I love getting your e-mails and comments, please keep them coming. I'm trying really hard to maintain emotional, spiritual and physical balance and I know that with the grace of God watching over me and all your help I can do this!!!

I do have to share one more thing, When my Dr. told me the news I don't think I heard everything he was saying, after the initial shock, my brain just stopped processing, but I do remember something he said "this is a gift you may not want, nonetheless, it is a gift" I did not understand what he was saying to me then, I do now. Each and everyday, no matter what day of the week, I live it as if it was my last one, and I have learned to appreciate each and every moment, specially with my children and the people I love. Now I understand what my doctor was saying. I want to live the rest of my life that way. As traumatic as this illness is, I find myself really happy over very little things, fortunate and grateful, always grateful.

By the way, my sister Blanca shaved her beautiful curly hair just before she left back to L.A. today, so that I would not feel so bad for losing mine. I love her and the support she gives me.

Challengeshttp://www.blogger.com/moderate-comment.g?blogID=4956220794118519129

Celebrating Thanksgiving with my family this year was very difficult, although there are many wonderful things I'm grateful for and so many great people around me who support me and give me strength (what would I do without you?), I can't help  but to feel resentful and angry - staying positing is challenging at times and it is then when I go back and re-read your e-mails and blog comments. All your positive comments, love and support carry me through those most difficult moments = I look forward to hearing from you.   Can't thank you enough for doing and saying what you do.  There are no words, there is no way I can express how grateful I am for being surrounded by such wonderful people (angels).  I keep asking myself, how can I show my appreciation to those who want me to live, to overcome and beat (as much as I do) this cancer?There are no words to show how much strength you give me, so it is then that I stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way or a reason to stay positive and focus on my one and only goal!!! Being outdoors  (particularly hiking) and around people aliviates the feelings of anger. 

The kids are so understanding and helpful, they take good care of me, they are my main reason and inspiration   .  And then there is that very special person in my  life who makes me forget there is anything wrong and makes it all perfect for me -   so lucky to have him in my life XOXO

I get my second treatment next Tuesday -- I'm ready for it!!!  My hair has been falling  , it happened over  a matter of days-- and as hard as it seems to see that happen, I know that's a sign the chemotherapy is working.  No matter how much I prepare for my hair to fall out -- a girl is just never ready for it!!!  

A New Look

In preparation for the fact that I will be loosing my hair; I decided to cut it short. It was not as difficult as I thought it might be. I’m trying real hard to be one step ahead of the game and be prepared for the worst but very hopeful for the best!

Staying Healthy

The news of having lung cancer it’s still a huge shock. I have always tried to be healthy and take good care of myself.

Hiking and running became just two of my favorite activities to stay in shape. There’s a funny story behind running the PS half marathon, Feb. 2008. Everyone knows I have never been a long distance runner. The most I have been able to run is four (maybe five miles) at any given time, so when my brother Fernando asked me to run (walk) the L.A. marathon with him (he is not a runner either) it became a goal we both wanted to reach. I thought I should try running a half marathon first, to get a feel for what I was getting myself into – my idea was to run 4 miles and walk 1, run 4 miles and walk 1 until crossing the finish line… it sounded like the perfect strategy, right? – Well, not so much!!! The whole idea was way too ambitious. About half an hour from the starting point I was already getting tired, but nobody around me would start walking—everyone else was still running, so I did too!! At about the 8th mile, I stayed closed to an older gentlemen who I was sure would stop running and start walking any minute now… any minute now he would become tired and start walking, well not so much!!! To say the least, I ended up running the half marathon non-stop. It took me 2 hrs and 15 minutes. I was so tired crossing the finish line; I barely made it to my car where I past out from exhaustion. Once I got home, I got in the bathtub from which I could not get out for two hrs. . Needless to say – Neither my brother nor I ran the L.A. marathon, and we are both ok with that!!!!

The Magic Juice

First session of chemotherapy went well.

I felt very comfortable and ready coming to the hospital Tuesday morning. My sister Blanca drove in from Los Angeles to be with me. I just could not wait to get started with my treatment.

I received great news from my Oncologist; the results from the CT scan of my brain are completely clean. Very happy for that!!!

Prior to starting the IV, it was explained to me that my body might have certain reactions to the drugs. The nurse started the drip very slowly to make sure by body could take it and then the drip was gradually increased until it was completely opened. I’m very happy to report that as of today, I have not experienced any side effects. I do get very tired at times but other than that I’m feeling well.

Over all, I’m feeling well, I’m taking really good care of myself, getting plenty of sleep and staying very positive!!!

I’m so very grateful for all your love, support, encouragement and well wishes it means so much to me!!!!! You are so incredible, I’m so fortunate to have all of you in my life!!!

They are my reasons and my strength to fight each and every day

Tiffany and me!!!

My Journey

I never, in a million years, thought I would find myself sitting here feeling as ready, as I do today, ready to fight the fight of and for my life. It’s amazing to me how in a split second everything I ever believe to be a priority and things that used to be of importance are just very minor details in the big scope of things.

I start chemotherapy tomorrow; I’m fighting stage 3-B lung cancer. The thought of chemotherapy used to scare the heck out of me, today it means HOPE, hope for a chance to see my kids grow-up just a little bit more. Hope to cheer Alex from the bleachers as he runs with all his might to be the first one crossing the finish line during a track meet, hope to see Tony graduate from high school and continue his education on to college, and hope to see how beautiful Tiffany looks in her wedding dress walking down the aisle.

So to say the least, I am so ready to start this battle that I know will weaken my knees, but will not defeat me!!!!