I'm in God's Hands

After all this wait….


The first week of November I had a PET scan done, that same day I received a phone call from the doctor’s office stating that there was something wrong with the scan and I had to do it all over… What does that mean? Again, the anticipation is dreadful! And then of course I start imagining and creating big monsters in my head…. On the 3rd week of November I had a second PET scan done. My oncologist referred me to a Thoracic Surgeon (a surgeon that specializes in the chest, lungs and throat area) He would need to take a sample of one of the nodule to determine if the gene is there. I called to make an appointment to find out that this particular doctor does not contract with insurance companies…. WHAT?? He must be soooooo fucking good that he only handles CASH? You can just imagine my reaction, frustration and yes… anger…. I have one of the best medical insurance I can possibly have… one that is not cheap… in all my dealings with doctors, and there have been many, I have never seen anything like this… the search for another doctor with a great reputation began… Finally working with my oncologist a new surgeon was found. I immediately made an appointment to consult a new doctor. I had to pick-up the results from the last PET scan and hand-carry them to the new doctor’s office the next day. Well of course I had to open the envelope… the results show that there are anywhere from 9 to 12 cancerous tumors in my right lung, varying in sizes…. Fear just took over me…. I prayed to God like crazy because at this point there is just nothing else to do, well I cried too…. A lot! I still went to the Zumba class… and pushed my body hard… kindda’ like to show it who’s boss here…

I met with the surgeon yesterday. I knew that I had to look into his eyes to see if he would be the one to do surgery on me and if I didn’t like him I would be willing to walk out and travel anywhere to find the right doctor. Within the first minute of meeting him, I liked him. Besides the fact that he has duo specialties (heart and lungs), which I think makes him super smart, I saw compassion in his eyes, calmness in his voice and very soft and steady hands. He answered every one of my questions with honesty; he also treated me like a person not a patient. He explained the procedure in terms I can understand. He is going for the largest tumor with an incision through the ribs making sure he gets it all so that pathology will have a lot to work with. He wanted to schedule the surgery for the next day, today… I said no… I have a Zumba class to teach… Actually, I just need to wrap my head around the whole idea of surgery and I wanted to have the “feeling” of having a little bit of control over my life, whatever that means… He was already doing two heart surgeries today and I would be the third one. We agreed on Monday at 7 am, and I would be the first one… I like that better! I’m expected to stay in the hospital for 2 – 3 days and go home in plenty of time to spend Christmas with the kids.

The kids… WOW!... They have been nothing but strong, supportive, mature and loving. What a burden for them and yet they are holding everything together. I’m very proud of them.

What I need from you and is to pray so that God may guide the doctor’s hands so that he can get in and out without disturbing anything else, for my body so that it will respond well and heal fast and for me so that I don’t “freak-out”!