A Christmas gift
Last Sunday, the day before the surgery I was emotionally blocked to the point that I could not pray, meditate, sing, dance, think, move or even talk to anyone -- if I open my mouth it would be to bite the head off someone, any one… It felt as if some ugly monster was inside of me wanting to burst out (kindda like in the movie Alien), I just could not control my fear. My friend Mariana came over the house to help me relax with an ancient Japanese form of energy cleansing. After an hour of Reiki, I felt reenergize and centralized within myself. As Mariana was leaving, I was putting on my hiking boots, kissing my parents and sister hello and good-bye… I was on my way to the mountain for a long, much needed hike, which I fully enjoyed, it was then that I was able to pray and talk to God once again. Climing was effortless, as if my feet were barely touching the dirt, it was an amazing feeling, did not get a bit tired -- I knew my body was in good shape.
I checked-in the hospital at 6 a.m. Monday morning for surgery scheduled at 7 a.m.... All my brothers and sisters, parents and my three kids were there… I was nervous but not scared. Surgery lasted approximately 2 hours without any complications. The incision is about six inches long right under my shoulder blade and the hole for the suction tube is about the size of a penny. The doctor explained that he took the biggest nodule along with all its surrounding tissue from the lung, he had to spread open my ribs to get through to the lung. The nodule was 9 cm long, so it was a chunk… Monday after surgery was the most difficult day, the pain was excruciating even with morphine, each day the pain is less. I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday; with every passing day, I feel better. I still have a hard time breathing, but that is also getting better every day. A nurse comes to the house every day to check my vital signs and everything has been normal since the surgery. I have an appt. to see my oncologist on Wed. to review the results from pathology and determine the treatment to follow.
There have been so many wonderful angels around me, I feel the love and support of so many wonderful people, some very much directly and others indirectly. Every time I turn around there is someone else showing me a wonderful gesture. On the second day in the hospital, my doctor come into my room and asked if I had opened my own flower shop there? My room did look like a flower shop. My phone has not stopped ringing, texts continue to come in, and so many people that visited me in the hospital and here at my house. I guess I am a very fortunate person to have so many wonderful friends and people who love me… I feel so blessed and happy -- in pain, but happy. .. God continues to work through different people and I say it with certainty because I feel it.
The spirit of Christmas is most definitely with me and my children, they have been so strong through this ordeal. I can see maturity, sensitivity, gratefulness, selflessness, determination and plenty of love in their eyes. I know one day when all this is over, they will be very good people because they have found the kind endurance and compassion that can only result from challenges such as this one.
Merry Christmas to all…
1 comment:
Hi Carmen... I've been more or less keeping up with you through Patty who I see/speak to more often. I have been reading your blog and just wanted to let you know that I am in awe of your strength and positive attitude. What you are going through is not easy by any means but you manage to seem to be handling it with such grace and dignity and above all strength. I think of you often and always keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and know that even though you may not hear from us often there are lots of us who are praying for you daily.
Kari
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