Tuesday, Sept. 20th
It is 3:00 p.m., I find myself sitting on the examining table waiting for my doctor to walk in, this whole time I’m thinking “I should have taken a f****ing happy pill, I should have taken a f****ing happy pill!!” Part of me wants to put on my clothes and leave and the other part wants to fast-forward my life to the next hour. Finally he walks in and tells me to sit on a chair next to him. He explains to me that the two tiny tumors that they have been monitoring have grown to the size of grapes; one of them is very closed to my lymph node and air passage. The next step would be to do a biopsy of the one of the tumors to see what we are dealing with, the cancer cells have mutated and that’s the reason the oral chemotherapy I am currently taking is not working on these two tumors. The problem with doing the biopsy is that it is very invasive, painful and risky; while I am awake my lung is filled with air, a long needle is inserted in the lung, a sample is taken and then the lung gets deflated, I won’t be able to move, talk nor cough during the procedure. He explained to me that new medications are getting approved often and considering the fact that I am feeling well now and my every day activities are not affected by it, we should wait and at the same time buy ourselves time to allow for more drugs to get approved. He wants to see me in 8 weeks and another scan in 3 months.
I know what I need to do with my body… diet, yoga, meditation etc. etc. and a lot of praying!!!! I just need to get to a place where I can totally agree with my doctor. Do I want to wait or do I want to bite the bullet now?
Life doesn't get easier... the challenges are big!!
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