I Place My Fears in HIS Hands!!!

Feeling pretty stressed these days...

A few weeks ago I had a CT scan, the results are questionable. There seems to be some growth in three different places near my right lung (lymph nodes). It is nothing very big, about the size of my picky finger nail. My doctor wants to wait a few weeks before doing another scan to compare the activity going on. This is the first time since the Chemo treatments that my scan has not been clean. The oral Chemo I’m currently taking was supposed to work for only a few months, it has been two years. If there is cancer activity, I will have to go through the treatments again. What can I say, I am petrified. The thought of dealing with this all over again scares me but does not surprise me. The doctors have been very clear and honest with me. I am not cure nor in remission. The medication is simply keeping the cancer under control and there is no way to know how body may react month to month. So far my body has been reacting very well. I am still exercising and taking care of myself. Working full time gives us (my loved ones and myself) normality in our lives. But for now, it is nothing but a waiting game and a very stressful one. Most of the time I can forget, but then there are those moments when I feel as if I’m drowning and that gives me the feeling of exhaustion, and THAT is what keeps me from doing the things that I love to do, which is to be active. In my daily conversations with God, I place my worries and fears in His hands – not an easy thing to do ( I am control freak, or was)… I have learned that THAT is what true faith is!!! Trusting that He knows best!