On My Way...

This is my new look – I really have gown to love my blond hair. It is definitely true that blonds do have more fun!!! Although, as a brunette, I have always managed to have fun-- lots of it… – those of you who know me can attest to that!!!
It has been quite a while since my last entry, so much has happened since then… I am on my fourth month on Tarceva (oral chemo), the first couple of months were every difficult because of one of the side effect; a very ugly rash all over my chest and face, I tried applying make-up to cover it up but it only made it worst, going out in public was specially difficult because people starred as if they felt sorry for me. It hurt to laugh and it hurt to cry and of course every time I looked at myself in the mirror – I would start crying. It felt as if I had a really bad sunburn, needless to say I stayed in the dark for many days, going out was out of the question. I literately felt like the “elephant man” roaming around in the dark when nobody could see me. My oncologist said that the rash was actually an indication that the medication was working, however, at that time it was unknown if the rash would ever clear up. So the question became; should I continue taking this magic pill every day that might keep me alive but that it makes me feel like a monster or do I give up on western medicine and try alternative medicine and hope for the best???
Considering everything we have gone through up to this point, I realized that not giving this new medication a chance to do perform its magic was not an option. I would have to gather the strength needed from wherever to overcome one more obstacle (in other words, suck-it-up!!!) I was not about to give into this horrible illness that has taken so much from me and has taken me though the most unimaginable darkness. The struggle each day to fight the “beast” became harder.
I set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. every single morning at which time I would wake-up and take my pill (I have to take it on a very empty stomach) with very mixed feelings – Hopeful for this magic pill to keep my body alive and Angry because it was emotionally killing me. My sisters called every day to make sure I had taken the pill and every day I would cry until I could not cry anymore. My faith was certainly being tested. As you can see in the pictures, the rash is about 90 percent gone – for which I am so grateful and so very happy. I have returned back to work after full time. I continue to eat healthy most of the time (I allow myself a treat every so often) and take care of myself.
It has been just about four months since I started and I will have my first CT scan this week, the results from my blood work continue to be very positive, my Poulmonologist is very impressed with how well I’m doing, he keeps telling that I have been blessed and I totally agree with him. Whatever the results from the scan, physically I feel very strong, emotionally; well, that’s an every day struggle, psychologically: I have come such a long way from when I was initially diagnosed; I’m a completely different person. Sometimes when I hear or see people complain over (what seem to me) minor things, I wish I could show them how wonderful life really is and how grateful we should all be because it does not matter how bad any given day could be – it could always be worse. One more thing I would like to share with you -- My life has changed dramatically for the best, each and every day is a gift - one thing that I have learned is that each one of us is fighting our own battle, large or small its still our battle and its not how we do it or how often we are faced with the difficulties of it, its most definitly the actitude that makes the difference.