Treatment #9

This pictures were taken in Spain, a wonderful place up in the mountains, a monestary built in the 1200's - Montserrat t

I'm getting treatment number 9 today - the side effects are not as bad anymore after I came back from Europe (more on this later) i met with my doctor to review the results from all the scans I had done before I left --- the "stuff" has shrunken by 30% -- the chemo is working and the treatments will continue... more good news; the headaches are just about gone... I no longer need to hide in a cave (very dark room) for two to three days following treatments, so happy for that...  the body-aches and fatigue are still there but I can handle that...  I still have sensitivity to light (not bad) and I'm blind as a bat at night but I can also handle that!!!  I'm still driving to UCLA once a week but, it's all good... :) so one more treatment and then more scans....I have very high hopes that this medicine will continue to work --- Keeping my fingers crossed...

As for Europe, well just look at the pictures --- it was absolutely wonderful, there is so much to see, drink and eat...  two weeks was not enough... the history, the art, the food and the WINE....   like I said, two weeks was not enough --- 

 In Germany

 

 

 

 

 

Treatment #6

So today I get treatment number six...  It has not been easy,but it is amazing how fast the past six weeks have gone by...  The treatment itself only takes a few hours and for the rest of the day I will find myslef in the dark.  The worst side-effect is the sensitivity to light.  The headaches are incredibly bad,  have to wear sunglasses even indoors, the darker, the better. Light from the computer, tv and phone and provoke a bad headache, but even worst yet, daylight.  The funny thing is that at night I can't see a thing, its all very dark so I'm not driving at night  anymore because I can't see and I can't be out during the day because its too bright.... SHHIT!!!!      Monday, Tuesday and part of Wednesday, I'm in a very dark room mostly asleep from the heavy pain meds that I take for the headaches... by Thursday & Friday I'm feeling better.  Love my weekends and soooooooo enjoy "em... And then, its Monday again!!!   Today I get treatment #6 and tomorrow PET scan, CT scan, eyes checked, test for this test for that...I really don't like all these tests... I don't know what I hate most, the treatments or the tests... I will not get the results from all the scans until I get back from my trip to Spain and Germany,,,, ohhh yes... Europe!!!!  not only do I get time off from the treatments, but I get to really enjoy it...  Had my suitcase packed for two weeks... I am so ready for this...  I will make sure to take lots of pictures and post them as I go... I will also make sure to eat lots of chcolate when we go to Germany... 

After all, it is a Beautiful Day!

After all, it is a beautiful day…  today is the day for the first treatment and I’m fucking freaking out… I will never get used to this…  needles, (I hate needles) blood samples, EKG’s, scrubs, IV’s, --- the thought of injecting poison (I call magic juice) into my body to make me healthy is mind-blowing – I can taste it in my throat… it feels as if it might chock me—I can feel the coldness of it going into my vein and onto the rest of my body and I try to imagine it going straight to my lungs and eating up all the cancer cells just like when I used to play pac-man many years ago….  All kinds of emotions are going on inside me; fear, anger, sadness, compassion for the others sitting nearby and then I feel empowered and a big urge to embrace life…  how can I possibly bitch about anything else…  I can almost say that compare to this, any other trivial issue is a piece a cake… I just can’t tolerate hearing people bitch about the little things in life --- if everyone reading this can learn one thing from my experience it should be to embrace life full force – for it could chance in a heartbeat ---  our bodies are amazing but life is fragile and we take so much for granted and put emphasis in the wrong things…   when today is over, I’m going back to finding true meaning in life, I just need to get over the hump of this day --- I'm loving stronger, deeper --- and appreciating every single minute--  I’ve found the true meaning of “living”…  and that makes me really, really happy!

OFF to UCLA

Walking out of Dr. Liu’s office at USC research center, I am trying to figure out the next step to take, feeling pretty good about the appointment – not really sure why since the doctor just told me that I was a week and a half too late to take part on the clinical study that my doctor from NYU and the doctors from Houston had been discussing would be a great option for me.   I’m discussing the appointment with my sister Blanca as we are walking through the hallway filled with cancer patients waiting to meet with doctors, somehow I spot this one person, a young man – maybe in his late 20’s, I can’t help but to stare at him, he appears  to look fragile and weak, he is walking very slow and his skin is colorless – ( a sign of heavy chemo)he had a look in his eyes that can only come from fear.  Blanca and I just looked at each other; we didn’t have to say anything, both our hearts go out to him.  He was standing by a counter talking with a beautiful young blond girl, I imagine her to be his wife…  that’s when my train of thought and the strategic planning that was going on in my head stops – for those couple of minutes that our paths crossed I connected with him in some incredible way… I so wanted to go over and give him a hug --- I started to imagine what his life must be like – newlyweds, babies, careers, dreams, fears, expectations, wedding vows, friendships so on and so forth… throughout my journey, in all my doctors’ appointments (and there have been many) every so often I see a cancer fighter that totally gets my attention and when that happens… I can’t get that person out of my head.   I didn’t know anything about this young man but in my mind I’ve already given him all the details of a life including a name; “Scott” and now when I pray for him, I can call him by his name…

So my visit to USC came about because the chemo treatment I was receiving at Desert Hospital did not work – All together I received three treatments and the CT scan that was taken the first week in May showed that the three chemo treatment didn’t do anything.  I immediately contacted both Houston and my doctor at NYU.  After a long discussion about the best possibly options for me, I was referred to the research center at USC.  Because I was a week and a half too late for clinical trial on a very promising drug at USC, Dr. Liu, head of research referred me to the research center at UCLA where I met with Dr. Geron, Head of Research – both doctors are very young and incredibly smart --- it is amazing to see the advances of these new cutting-edge drugs.

As it turns out, UCLA is working with a drug that it’s an even better match for me, Dr. Liu knew that and that was the reason for the referral to UCLA – I know this because both doctors discussed my case.  Even though the clinical trial at UCLA had already closed, Dr. Geron reopened it to include me.  Great results have already been seen with this drug.  He explained to me that traditional chemo works as a  blockage to the message sent from the protein produced by a normal cell through a malfunction to the cancer cells to grow, chemo stops  working when the cancer cells mutate thus outsmarting the blockage (chemo) and getting to the protein to retrieve the message to grow/multiply.   The new drug UCLA is testing gets into the DNA of the cell to stop the production of the protein altogether.  Of course this is a very simple explanation, the process is a whole lot more complicated…  Dr. Geron also explained to me that the type of cancer that I have is very rare, only 5% of all lung cancers.   This week I started testing (blood, CT, PET, EKG etc. etc.) at UCLA and it will continue next week (gather as much data as possible)… I’m schedule to start on the new drug next Monday and will be getting it once a week… … the only side effect known is problems to the eyes, I might go color blind or become sensitive to light – I told the doctor, as long as I can taste tacos, I don’t care if I can’t see color… lol ---  (kiddin’, I’ve become a vegetarian….)

It will be four years in October since the initial diagnosis, to think that at the time the prognosis was six months without treatment or 12 to 14 months with treatment

 

It still feels odd – in every appointment, discussion or decision, it still does not feel as if it’s “me” we are talking about, it feels as if I’m talking about someone else… I go through the motions – I know what I have, I know what I’m up against, but I will not OWN this illness… it does not feel natural in my body, I refuse to make it my reality…

 

The kids are doing well, they are busy with their lives…I’m grateful for the relationship with have, we enjoy each other greatly, our life is pretty “normal” --- whatever that means…  I spend time researching and understanding the illness, I’m still Zumba ing and of course enjoying my time with Luis, which by the way is taking to Spain this summer…. And Germany… super excited and so looking forward to that…     

 

 

 

 

HOUSTON, TX

Its Dori, at the Houston Aquarium 

It's hard to believe that it has been three weeks since my last entry, time does fly.  I wish I could capture all the great things/memories  in my life, put 'em in a jar just like fireflies, and keep them next to my bed where I can see 'them all the time...  
Yesterday I had my third round of chemo, just like the other two times, my body is able to handle it pretty well.  I get some side effects but they are not horrible which makes me a bit nervous.  I wonder if the treatment is working.  I spoke with my doctor about it and he explained to me that there are no indicators of whether or not the chemo is  working until the next CT scan...  oooohhhh, the waiting game... but then again, I'm a bad ass, so maybe my body is just able to andle the chemo REALLY well... right?  I'll have a CT scan in three weeks to find out where things are, for now I'm feeling great and things are going really well otherwise... I'm Zumba ing and hiking almost every day... spending time in the rose garden and spending much time doing research... 

Last week I traveled to HOUSTON, TX for a consultation at MD Anderson, the best cancer institute in the world.  It was, to say the least, an amazing experience.  Getting there was not easy since making arrangements for an appointment takes a lot of "pulling strings", but I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful primary-care doctors who has become my guardian angel and is constantly looking for ways to help me.  Dr. Grimm often calls me early in the day or late at night to share information or to see how I'm doing and how things are going.  You just don't see doctors like that anymore.  I'm in very good hands.  Well, he made the arrangements to get me there quite quickly.  I got the call for my appointment just a few days prior.  Alex, my son traveled with me, which was great having him there (we also got to spend a lot of time together, there is a really good chance he will be joining the Coast Guard soon... more to come on this... I'm so proud of the wonderful young man he has become.  By the time I met with two incredibly smart doctors there, they had already familiarized themselves with my case, so the four-hour appointment was very fruitful --- they pretty much gave me a road map of various treatments and studies around the country I would qualify for in case the current treatment does not work, which gave me a peace-of-mind.  Having alternatives does that to me...  they also agree with some of the treatments from my local oncologist and disagree with others, they contacted my local oncologist my phone for inquiries and also the surgeon who did the biopsy last December... ultimately, they drafted a report for all of my doctors to have that included the information available for treatments...  Like I said before, I'm in good hands.  

Alex at Galventon Beach., TX -Golf of Mexico...

Alex and I spent time seeing Houston and San Antonio, which was absolutely wonderful...  The icing on the cake came on our way back home.  As I mentioned on a previous entry, there is a really good reason for having a BIG smile on my face - his name is Luis (a super handsome Spaniard, who is absolutely wonderful to me and I'm crazy about  him :))... After a long trip, Alex and I are waiting at the Houston airport (huge place) and I get a text from Luis (he is on his way to Costa Rica on business from AZ) stating that he is also at the Houston airport and has couple or hours before boarding - we knew we would both be going through the that airport but the chance of a rendez-vouz was not considered... until his text...  he started walking from one side of the airport and I started walking from the opposite end until we met... you know those scenes in romantic movies where you think the lovers will miss each other? Well, it was kindda like that... this whole scenario involves taking a train to get from one side of the airport to the other... just as I'm about to get on the train, the doors opened among a lot of other people, out he comes... OMG!!!  It was very hard not getting on that plane to Costa Rica with him --- if only I was not scheduled for treatment this week... ;(

Coping with Chemo

Chemo yesterday went well... The anticipation beforehand was crazy...  the week before, my blood pressure was really bad, my doctor wanted me to start taking medication for it because it was dangerously high but instead I went to the health food store (where I now spend a lot of time) and picked up a bunch on homoeopathic supplements.  I think what is causing it to be high is plain anxiety... so the solution will be more tequila... no!! just kiddin" - yoga and meditation.  I will try just about anything before I start taking more medication...

After the treatment yesterday I felt a bit nauseated, dizzy and tired but overall given what its being pumped into my body, not so bad...  one of the side effects is that I can't sleep well at night so by 5:00 this morning I was up doing yoga -- made breakfast, took Tony to school, stopped at the gym for a bit and to Zumba I went.... after that I went to the store to get fresh veggies and salmon for lunch and dinner..  by noon I'm done!!! tired and exhausted.   I'll take a nap and then later today I plan on spending some time in the rose garden I planted for the Virgin of Guadalupe in my back yard, which by the way is looking absolutely beautiful.  You see I made a promise to her; for every month I'm healthy she gets a new rose bush and none of the roses are ever cut (until they die of course), they are all for her.  I'll take some pictures and post 'em later-on, they are gorgeous....

I wish you all I wonderful day -- I'm have one!!!!

On my way to the rest of MY LIFE!

I started chemo three weeks ago...  I am expected to have three to four treatments (one every three weeks) depending on how well by body responds.  This Wednesday I go for the second one...  this time around the treatments are not as intense as the first time (Nov., 2008) - it is hard to believe that it has already been that long ago... the side effects are not as harsh this time either, and I also know what to expect and so I prepare myself for it mentally --- though its not easy.  I feel healthy and strong, still dancing and staying fit.  I am also spending much time researching and learning about my conditions and the many ways to stay healthy with natural remedies - which I have been following.  I will be traveling to Mexico next month for two weeks to a center where they do detox particularly to cancer patients.  I am also making arrangements through my primary care doctor to travel to Dallas, TX for a consultation with a team of specialists.   So I have been busy... very busy.... but in the mids of all this I am happy to report that something magical is happening to me, something that only happens once in a lifetime...  unexpected but very much welcomed...  those of you who know me know how hard I tried to stay positive and appreciative of all the gifts in my life, well I don't have to try anymore... IT JUST IS!   This feeling of happiness is the most natural and perfect feeling I have ever felt - I am one super lucky girl, and I know it!!! For now, I am saving the reason for my happiness for myself and the people closest to me, but I find it difficult to keep it a secret... so soon enough I will be posting pictures... with an introduction...

It seems that every time I hit a low point something happens that makes me bounce right back up to an even higher place, well this time around it feels as if I'm touching a piece of heaven and it is a most exquisite feeling. 

I am one tough woman and I'm kicking-ass when it comes to this cancer, and when I done - nothing, nothing will hold me back.  This is just a bad blow-out on my way to the rest of my life...  a very good life!

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ME

I started living the day I found out I was dying...

ZUMBA is LOVE - Master Class in Support of Carmen Lomeli - Feb, 11, 2012

 Over 200 people attended from all over the place, including Las Vegas, San Diego and Blythe... :)

 Never done anything on stage in my whole life, but at this moment I just became one with all my fellow Zumba lovers...

 My last solo song... all about "EL AMOR", growing LOVE like the clouds in the sky... very emotional to say the least...

 Dancing with Oly, Julio and Mario --- Loving every single minute of it!!

 Oly thanking God and all those present for their support... very touching moments... Julio and Mario, really good guys...

 This picture was taking during the second hour of non-stop
Zumba dancing...  still loving it...

During the last song with most of the instructors on stage...

Opening song... the energy was so intense everyone felt it...

 At the ver end, after 2 and 1/2 hours of ZUMBA!!   Wonderful people, all instructors, most of them I hed never met before and yet they were giving hugs and kisses.  the energy was incredible... will never forget this day...

 Oly, my friend, my sister...  incredible heart.  Super sweet, giving woman... She has giving me the most incredible, unconditional love that anyone can give...  I have no words to discribe what she has done for me... She is "all" giving... I am a ver lucky, fortunate and mostly blessed woman for have such wonderful people in my life...

 a bunch of really great people...  I think God has hand-picked them to be in my life... I receive lots of love and support all the time.... can't let them down, can't let myself down...

 My three reasons to stay alive...  

 Three of the BEST women I know...  Most difinitely hand-picked by God to be in my life...  LOVE YOU LADIES...  you are each...   one-of-a-kind...  My Sister, My daughter, My friend...

 This was a wonderful moment... 

 Saw Michael, instructor dancing,  had just gotten out of work and was dancing with his tie on... loved that moment...

the last song was very emotional and touching...